Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
The one with the bulgy eyes...
The persistent vendor that accosted me yesterday was in the lunch buffet line today. She's probably 5'9", very thin, and has these very bulgy eyes. Must be what helped her spot the "Sucker" tattoo on my forehead yesterday.
The buffet line today consisted of chicken wings, deep dish pizza, sandwiches, salad, cookies and brownies. Like most people, I restrained myself from eating off the buffet or heaping my plate to the point of making oink noises when I walked.
But not ol' bug eyes. I watched her go through the buffet line twice balancing two plates, one dedicated solely to cookies. The second time she was going through, there was the crust of a piece of pizza hanging out of her mouth and she was diving in for more. She was a woman on a mission as she cut in and out of the line, reaching across people to get what she wanted.
You know the insects that eat their mates when they're done with them? I'm staring to wonder about her...
The buffet line today consisted of chicken wings, deep dish pizza, sandwiches, salad, cookies and brownies. Like most people, I restrained myself from eating off the buffet or heaping my plate to the point of making oink noises when I walked.
But not ol' bug eyes. I watched her go through the buffet line twice balancing two plates, one dedicated solely to cookies. The second time she was going through, there was the crust of a piece of pizza hanging out of her mouth and she was diving in for more. She was a woman on a mission as she cut in and out of the line, reaching across people to get what she wanted.
You know the insects that eat their mates when they're done with them? I'm staring to wonder about her...
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Sucker: Part Deux
Monday was... uneventful. While waiting for the first keynote speaker, met a guy from Atlanta who had, apparently, been out drinking whiskey until 3 am. I was able to figure that out solely from his breath. Not a good sign on Monday a morning. But the keynote showed us this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nupdcGwIG-g), so it was worth while.
Because there were no worthy sessions, I went for a long walk down Michigan Avenue taking pictures. Please note: if you are planning on trying this for yourself, wear shoes that are more comfortable than mine were. My legs still hurt. Also, wear a full-length fur to fit in with most of the women. Unfortunately, mine was full of pig blood that the cleaner couldn't get out from the last time I wore it out on the town.
Went back out to find dinner and ended up at The Berghoff, a German restaurant that touts itself as Chicago's oldest. Ordered a reuben and the amber. The sandwich was only OK, but the beer was very good; had a little bit of a cider flavor to it.
The service was also a little less than I had hoped for. My waiter, seeing that I was eating alone, didn't give me the same level of service he gave the table of two right next to me. He wasn't rude or slow or anything, but there were a lot of little things that I didn't get, like his name or the soup of the day. In fact, his first words to me were "Are you ready to order?" I would have expected a drink order or a little pleasantry... but no. Unfortunately, I'm a sucker (See Yolanda and Sam), so I still tipped him decently.
On my walk back, I discovered that CVS sells beer, wine and liquor. Who knew? With plastic bags to hold my six-pack of beer and pretzels, I made my way back to the hotel. On my way, I had the pleasure of meeting Sam. He's homeless. He started walking with me, shook my hand, called me big guy, told me I looked like a CEO and told me he was happy that I didn't act like he was going to mug or knife me like most people do. I'm not saying I didn't think that, but I definitely did not verbalize it and continued to smile awkwardly while we shook hands down the sidewalk. At that point he asked me to buy him a sandwich, and when I told him I didn't have any cash, he very helpfully informed me that they take credit cards. We settled on a dollar and I walked even more briskly away thinking that what we had was special. Then I heard him approach the next gentleman and call him big guy and tell him he looked like a CEO. And I was crushed.
Today was better. Met a nice young woman from Chicago who has a home and a job and did not reek of alcohol. And after telling her about my experiences with Yolanda and Sam, she taught me how to avoid those situations. The two keys there are to never make eye contact and don't stop walking. We practiced in the expo hall with a particularly persistent presenter. I failed and ended up giving the presenter a business card in exchange for the promise of information for a service I don't need. I will try harder next time.
Tonight, I went walking again, this time landing at Pizano's Pizza & Pasta. Had some barbecue chicken pizza and some Fat Tire. Excellent pizza, good beer, and leftovers for breakfast!
Because there were no worthy sessions, I went for a long walk down Michigan Avenue taking pictures. Please note: if you are planning on trying this for yourself, wear shoes that are more comfortable than mine were. My legs still hurt. Also, wear a full-length fur to fit in with most of the women. Unfortunately, mine was full of pig blood that the cleaner couldn't get out from the last time I wore it out on the town.
Went back out to find dinner and ended up at The Berghoff, a German restaurant that touts itself as Chicago's oldest. Ordered a reuben and the amber. The sandwich was only OK, but the beer was very good; had a little bit of a cider flavor to it.
The service was also a little less than I had hoped for. My waiter, seeing that I was eating alone, didn't give me the same level of service he gave the table of two right next to me. He wasn't rude or slow or anything, but there were a lot of little things that I didn't get, like his name or the soup of the day. In fact, his first words to me were "Are you ready to order?" I would have expected a drink order or a little pleasantry... but no. Unfortunately, I'm a sucker (See Yolanda and Sam), so I still tipped him decently.
On my walk back, I discovered that CVS sells beer, wine and liquor. Who knew? With plastic bags to hold my six-pack of beer and pretzels, I made my way back to the hotel. On my way, I had the pleasure of meeting Sam. He's homeless. He started walking with me, shook my hand, called me big guy, told me I looked like a CEO and told me he was happy that I didn't act like he was going to mug or knife me like most people do. I'm not saying I didn't think that, but I definitely did not verbalize it and continued to smile awkwardly while we shook hands down the sidewalk. At that point he asked me to buy him a sandwich, and when I told him I didn't have any cash, he very helpfully informed me that they take credit cards. We settled on a dollar and I walked even more briskly away thinking that what we had was special. Then I heard him approach the next gentleman and call him big guy and tell him he looked like a CEO. And I was crushed.
Today was better. Met a nice young woman from Chicago who has a home and a job and did not reek of alcohol. And after telling her about my experiences with Yolanda and Sam, she taught me how to avoid those situations. The two keys there are to never make eye contact and don't stop walking. We practiced in the expo hall with a particularly persistent presenter. I failed and ended up giving the presenter a business card in exchange for the promise of information for a service I don't need. I will try harder next time.
Tonight, I went walking again, this time landing at Pizano's Pizza & Pasta. Had some barbecue chicken pizza and some Fat Tire. Excellent pizza, good beer, and leftovers for breakfast!
Sunday, December 07, 2008
A Coke and a smi... wha, wha, what???
10:15 pm
Find ice and vending cleverly hidden behind the classy closet doors.
10:16
Audibly gasp at paying $3 for a bottle of Coke. Get ice and scurry back to room.
10:18
Brew some Cranberry Apple Spice tea with the nifty one-or-two cup brewing device on the dresser. Wonder if that will be a bad decision.
10:20 pm
Sleep be damned, I'm havin' tea!
Find ice and vending cleverly hidden behind the classy closet doors.
10:16
Audibly gasp at paying $3 for a bottle of Coke. Get ice and scurry back to room.
10:18
Brew some Cranberry Apple Spice tea with the nifty one-or-two cup brewing device on the dresser. Wonder if that will be a bad decision.
10:20 pm
Sleep be damned, I'm havin' tea!
Give 'em the old razzle dazzle ...
*For the next few days, I'll be regaling you with the tales of my trip to a conference in Chicago for work. Since I'm paying (and by that, I mean the company) for 7 days of internet access, I'll be blogging regularly. And by regularly, this may or may not be the last post. I'm uncertain of the format and reserve the right to change it at any time.
3:20 pm
Arrive at the local airport to pick up my rental car. The trainee behind the desk upgrades me to a full-size. Decline the optional insurance as instructed by my employer much to the dismay of said trainee.
3:30
Locate my silver Grand Prix and off we go! Fire up the first cd of the first book of the Chronicles of Narnia loaned to me by a co-worker. All the classics without the pesky reading!
4:45
Stop in Lomira for some McD's. Enjoy the earthtones in the bathroom, consider painting our bathroom in the new year. Enjoy my Big 'n' Tasty in my car whilst enjoying more of the Chronicles.
5:45
Stop at the Mobile outside of Racine for a quick potty break. Go in looking for the bathrooms and find the clerk behind bullet-proof glass and a sign stating that the bathrooms are outside. Thankfuly, there were no incidents in the unlocked Men's room. (Note: the women's required a key; I felt left out.)
7:15
Navigate well with my Googled directions until... I miss my exit near the hotel and wind up in a neighborhood with lots of signs in Spanish. On advice from my Dad over a panicked phone call, I pull into a well-lit parking lot to call the hotel for directions.
A few seconds after pulling into the parking lot of Lucky's Liquor
Hear "Hey, you need help?" from Yolanda, a very friendly woman who is staying at a shelter, is six-months pregnant and could use a hand because she needs to get to the L and if I could help her in any way, that would be great, and God bless me. Hang-up on my dad and open the window 6 inches.
A few more seconds later
Turn down the radio playing "The Grinch" theme song so I can explain where I'm trying to go without wetting myself of crying.
After shouting to the neighborhood that I needed to get to the expressway and over to Michigan Ave
Yolanda calls her friend and his brown paper bag over to give me directions at which time I offered her $5 and then later another $1 for a bus pass.
7:55
Get to the expressway without incident since it was only 4 blocks away. Continue reassuring myself out loud that "We can do this" and "God bless you, Yolanda."
8:05
Check into my hotel. Find my room. Pee (had to go for the last hour).
8:15
Find Family Guy on TV. Do deep-breathing exercises. Agree to pay the equivalent of 3 months of internet access at home for 7 days from my hotel room.
9:05
Wonder if the Hilton offers a continental breakfast. Figure they might be above serving bagels and donut holes in the marble lobby.
9:06
Whine to self about how hungry I am and curse McD's for not providing a more stick-to-my-ribs value meal.
9:08
Consider removing/chewing through the door of the honor bar.
9:08:30
Choose not to assault the honor bar and drink free bathroom tap water while wondering how far $1 will get me at the vending machine. Wait, does this place have a vending area???
9:12
Decide to adventure out for ice and the elusive vending area after this.
More to come.
3:20 pm
Arrive at the local airport to pick up my rental car. The trainee behind the desk upgrades me to a full-size. Decline the optional insurance as instructed by my employer much to the dismay of said trainee.
3:30
Locate my silver Grand Prix and off we go! Fire up the first cd of the first book of the Chronicles of Narnia loaned to me by a co-worker. All the classics without the pesky reading!
4:45
Stop in Lomira for some McD's. Enjoy the earthtones in the bathroom, consider painting our bathroom in the new year. Enjoy my Big 'n' Tasty in my car whilst enjoying more of the Chronicles.
5:45
Stop at the Mobile outside of Racine for a quick potty break. Go in looking for the bathrooms and find the clerk behind bullet-proof glass and a sign stating that the bathrooms are outside. Thankfuly, there were no incidents in the unlocked Men's room. (Note: the women's required a key; I felt left out.)
7:15
Navigate well with my Googled directions until... I miss my exit near the hotel and wind up in a neighborhood with lots of signs in Spanish. On advice from my Dad over a panicked phone call, I pull into a well-lit parking lot to call the hotel for directions.
A few seconds after pulling into the parking lot of Lucky's Liquor
Hear "Hey, you need help?" from Yolanda, a very friendly woman who is staying at a shelter, is six-months pregnant and could use a hand because she needs to get to the L and if I could help her in any way, that would be great, and God bless me. Hang-up on my dad and open the window 6 inches.
A few more seconds later
Turn down the radio playing "The Grinch" theme song so I can explain where I'm trying to go without wetting myself of crying.
After shouting to the neighborhood that I needed to get to the expressway and over to Michigan Ave
Yolanda calls her friend and his brown paper bag over to give me directions at which time I offered her $5 and then later another $1 for a bus pass.
7:55
Get to the expressway without incident since it was only 4 blocks away. Continue reassuring myself out loud that "We can do this" and "God bless you, Yolanda."
8:05
Check into my hotel. Find my room. Pee (had to go for the last hour).
8:15
Find Family Guy on TV. Do deep-breathing exercises. Agree to pay the equivalent of 3 months of internet access at home for 7 days from my hotel room.
9:05
Wonder if the Hilton offers a continental breakfast. Figure they might be above serving bagels and donut holes in the marble lobby.
9:06
Whine to self about how hungry I am and curse McD's for not providing a more stick-to-my-ribs value meal.
9:08
Consider removing/chewing through the door of the honor bar.
9:08:30
Choose not to assault the honor bar and drink free bathroom tap water while wondering how far $1 will get me at the vending machine. Wait, does this place have a vending area???
9:12
Decide to adventure out for ice and the elusive vending area after this.
More to come.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Potpourri for $800 Alex
My head is all messed up. Trick-or-treating was yesterday in our little hamlet, but Halloween isn't for another 5 days. I feel like everyone should be disassembling their Halloween displays, but the holiday isn't even here. Anyway, we took the wee ones out in the neighborhood despite the fact that it was cold, very windy, and kinda rainy. The wee-est of the wee ones tripped over his dragon tail while climbing up the cement steps of the houses 3 times and scuffed up his hands, but he was so cold he couldn't tell he was bleeding. But who hasn't been there?
I went to the gym today to find out that my clothes were not in my locker. The clasp on my laundry bag doesn't hold well, so if I don't tie it in a knot I'm ususally missing a piece or two (easily found in the laundry room on the lost and found table). But today the bag and all its contents were gone. I'm good at making excuses, but I've never had to skip because they won't let me work out naked... and for good reason.
The furniture slider pads that you've seen on TV work really well. I rearranged the entire basement (including the large entertainment center and the sofa sleeper) al by myself with the help of the robomovers that my dad got at Goodwill for $.99. I'm so inspired, I may have to talk to Billy Mays about some Mighty Putty or a ShamWow.
I'll be so happy when this election is over. I just don't have the energy to hang up on the John McCain phone calls anymore.
I went to the gym today to find out that my clothes were not in my locker. The clasp on my laundry bag doesn't hold well, so if I don't tie it in a knot I'm ususally missing a piece or two (easily found in the laundry room on the lost and found table). But today the bag and all its contents were gone. I'm good at making excuses, but I've never had to skip because they won't let me work out naked... and for good reason.
The furniture slider pads that you've seen on TV work really well. I rearranged the entire basement (including the large entertainment center and the sofa sleeper) al by myself with the help of the robomovers that my dad got at Goodwill for $.99. I'm so inspired, I may have to talk to Billy Mays about some Mighty Putty or a ShamWow.
I'll be so happy when this election is over. I just don't have the energy to hang up on the John McCain phone calls anymore.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Sloshkosh update
Oh, it's UWO homecoming that weekend too. Ought to make things a little more interesting.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Change of Plans
Sloshkosh '08 will not include a stop at Nigl's on 9th/Nigl's on Ohio.
Actually, I can't say I ever really wanted to go there.
In completely unrelated news, I went to happy hour tonight. As I was leaving, I realized I had left my keys in the ignition of my unlocked car. If that's not bad enough, there's a good chance they were turned back and the radio was on the whole time. And I was sober when I got there!
Actually, I can't say I ever really wanted to go there.
In completely unrelated news, I went to happy hour tonight. As I was leaving, I realized I had left my keys in the ignition of my unlocked car. If that's not bad enough, there's a good chance they were turned back and the radio was on the whole time. And I was sober when I got there!
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